Written by: Judge Spencer Multack  [email protected]

By the time you are reading this school has just started and your kiddos are enduring the transition from summer vacation to homework and projects. However, my colleagues and I on the family court bench have been fielding “back to school” issues for a few months now. This article will address some of the issues we are addressing in family court and challenges some families face when the school year resumes.

What school?

The first, and most difficult, decision we face is actually what school the child should be attending. Many parents are at odds with the education their children are receiving.  The child may be attending school near one parent, however an opportunity to attend a charter school at a greater distance away has presented itself. The Court will weigh the different concerns of the parents and decide what is best for the child. This is done at an evidentiary hearing.

Other parents wish to relocate to another city or state, which in turn affects the children’s education.  Schooling is just one factor a court considers when determining whether or not to permit relocation. Guided by Florida Statute 61.13001, the Court is required to weigh specific factors to determine whether the child’s best interest would be served by a move more than 50 miles away.

Who’s picking up?

In family court we deal with parents who are just starting the separation process and parents who have been co-parenting for many years. For the new parents, determining a school pick-up schedule can be difficult because timesharing has not been established. Now that the child is living in two homes, we need to ensure that there is enough stability in a temporary timesharing plan to allow for reliable transportation to and from school. This means the parents must communicate about this issue or have the court participate in developing a temporary plan.

Hopefully the attorneys for the parties or the parties themselves have been able establish a framework for who is responsible for the rides to and from school. The default for many families involves the parent concluding timesharing (on a Monday morning) dropping the kids at off school and the parent commencing timesharing (on a Monday afternoon) picking the kids up at the end of the day.

Afterschool Activities

The school day doesn’t end when the bell rings. Kids have sports, clubs, tutoring, and religious school after 3:30 PM. What seems like it should be an easy transition from school to activity is frequently difficult for a separating family. My colleagues and I have seen many instances where one parent doesn’t want the child to participate in an afterschool activity (e.g. tackle football) and the other parent does. These issues sometimes make their way into court. In other instances, the afterschool activity conflicts with a work schedule and there is a transportation issue. And of course, there is cost. Who is footing the bill for the activity? Is it shared? What about the dance costumes that cost hundreds of dollars each?

Again, the key to navigating the afterschool activities is communication. As difficult as it may be, parents need to keep the best interest of the children at the forefront and work together, so the child’s life is disrupted as little as possible. There is no reason that a child should miss practices, miss games, or have difficulty in participating because the parents cannot or will not communicate.

For parents who are about to sign a parenting plan or have an established parenting plan, does the plan delineate who is responsible for what portion of an activity? In the event one parent does not consent to an activity is the other parent 100% responsible for the costs? Will the non-consenting parent assist in transportation? For parents in conflict, this must be discussed either through attorneys, themselves, or a communication application (Our Family Wizard, Talking Parents, Fayr, etc.). Decisions such as these are difficult when parents have differing perspectives on what is in the best interest of their child. Compromise sometimes solves this- this semester the child can try ceramics, next semester she can explore martial arts, the parents split the costs and revisit the issue at the conclusion of the school year.

Schoolwork

Before we can speak about schoolwork both parents must have access to the schoolwork. What does this mean? It means that both parents should have login IDs for the school’s online portal. These days, the school online portal makes it easy to keep up with assignments and school performance. Teachers’ names and email addresses are typically available. Both parents should be proactive and check the portal regularly. Know what assignments are due; this is not the responsibility of one parent, it is the responsibility of both.

One of the complaints family judges frequently hear is that one parent does all of the schoolwork. Although one parent may have more timesharing than the other, this does not obviate homework responsibilities of the other parent.

Courts understand that the last thing an “every-other weekend” parent wants to do is fight over homework with their child. However, consistent grades and the ability to prepare for a test on Monday are more impressive than pictures at miniature golf. Make the trip to mini-golf an incentive for homework- leave enough time in the day for both.

IEPs and Therapies

Each child is unique, and each child has specific needs. Some have special needs. Both parents should have a copy of a child’s IEP and current contact information for therapists and doctors. If a parent is scheduling a doctor’s appointment, the next step is to contact the other parent and inform the parent of the time and place of the appointment. This is your duty as a co-parent; to keep the other parent informed.

No one should get bragging rights for making more doctor’s appointments or scheduling therapies. If a parent disagrees with the other about a course of treatment, contact your lawyer, or file a motion with the Court. Fights over medical treatment can get acrimonious very quickly. Especially if doctor’s appointments begin to interfere with timesharing and schooling. My colleagues and I have seen it all and manipulating health concerns is something we take seriously.

School Holidays

With the start of school comes days off from school. Labor Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Spring Break, and religious holidays. The parents who are in the process of separating need to communicate about these dates as soon as possible. If this a “first” year (first holidays as a separated family) let me suggest alternating Thanksgiving and Christmas or alternating the first and second half of Hannukah or Kwanza. Parents who have established parenting plans should be taking a look at holiday provisions of their own plans to ensure that everyone is on the same page.

Communication is Key

The common thread in all of the areas discussed is communication. As difficult as it may be, especially in beginning, parents need to continue communicating about their children. It is in the child’s best interest to have two involved parents who can work together to ensure a stable, healthy, and loving environment. One of the most difficult parts of co-parenting is separating the feelings of anger or loss from the necessity of maintaining a consistent environment for the kids. Parents should be ready to concede on certain issues. There is no prize in being “right” or proving the other parent “wrong”. Working together, as much as possible, is always the right way to go in the Court’s eyes.

For the readers benefit I am sharing a link https://www.jud11.flcourts.org/Judge-Details?judgeid=977&sectionid=49 to my judicial website that contains blank calendars for 2022 and 2023 that parents can share and fill out. Each parent should have one of these calendars and fill out as much information as possible: timesharing dates, games, playdates, doctor’s appointments. Share the calendar with the other parent, maybe even including a note not to forget the cleats for the game.

Hopefully this article provided some ideas for back-to-school co-parenting! Good luck in the new school year!