The rabbit hole of the court system is traumatic for children. The trauma is amplified when a couple going through a divorce has religious differences.

Divorce itself has been the same for years. The complexity in interfaith relationships causes a higher degree of difficulty when navigating a resolution for children.

As an example, one spouse converts to a specific religion when getting married and then after several years the marriage falls apart. The problem in this scenario is the children have been raised to follow their religious faith.  Now because of the divorce the parent who converted no longer wants to be part of the religion.

Another example is when a religious Jewish couple decides to divorce, and one parent does not want to remain religious. There are so many issues that arise as a result of this situation. Especially, when one parent no longer decides to eat kosher food. A child/children raised in an orthodox home knows one way of religious life. When a time-sharing plan is put into place both parents are entrusted to co-parent and help ensure the child has a stable childhood. It must be very confusing for a child to see a parent doing something totally contrary to what they grew up with when their parents were together.

The other problems are when there are interfaith divorces where there are holidays to celebrate and what religious services to attend. However, the important component of an interfaith divorce or even differences of religious beliefs is the word faith. Each parent needs to realize the child/children should always take priority even with differences of opinions.

Judges who sit in family make very difficult decisions on behalf of children. The law in Florida is the parents start out with 50/50 timesharing. A Judge will have to evaluate whether it is detrimental to a child if religion impacts their overall well-being. There may need to be a psychological evaluation of the child/children and even the parents to determine whether religion plays a part in establishing timesharing. A Guardian ad litem can be brought on as the child’s voice when it appears their mental well-being is impacted due to a major shift in a religious upbringing.

It is important when a couple with children decide to divorce to be on the same page as to religion. Parents can seek out religious counseling through a minister or a rabbi when the decision is made to divorce. They can also consult with a counselor that can help the couple navigate the difficulties of an interfaith divorce.

When I was on the Bench I was confronted with the difficult decision on the religious upbringing for a child. As a mediator when these issues come forward one has to be sensitive to the needs of the child versus the rights of the parents. There is no easy solution except for the parents to give the child as much stability as possible.

Whether I am practicing in the role of a Mental Health Professional, Parenting Coordinator, Guardian Ad Litem, Family Mediator or Collaborative Family Law Neutral Practitioner, the child’s best interest is priority above all. Indeed, stability and consistency are what matters. Especially when children are raised in a certain way, and they are adapted to certain rituals, traditions and religious education.

Every case has been unique in my experience. Usually, I am contacted by families or court appointed to help parents better co-parent in a peaceful way. Interfaith marriages are very common in our society as well as interfaith divorces.

We know that there is great excitement when two individuals come together with different backgrounds and unite as one. Unfortunately, when disputes arise, they can’t seem to see eye to eye on how to continue to raise the children in the same traditions and values they once had together. Time passes, problems surface, and a relationship or marriage comes to an end. Children raised in a once beautiful environment, practicing religious traditions may end up affecting by their parents’ litigious views. This is why one of the topics I make sure to address with parents when drafting a parenting plan is the topic of religion. It is a simple line added that allows parents to reflect on the present and future religious upbringing of their children. For example: ‘The Parents agree the children will be raised Catholic & Jewish”. This is understood in the crafting of the parenting plan, that they both agree the children will be able to freely enjoy both religions.

For some parents, religion is not important. For others, it is the core of family life. In families where one religion is practiced and then divorce causes a parent to want to turn back to their religious roots, may bring confusion, triangulation, and devastation to children. When a family is faced with an interfaith divorce, looking through the eyes of the children is key. For this reason, it is imperative that professionals representing clients in a divorce matter understand and explain to their clients the importance of children being able to maintain the traditions they were instilled at a young age. Otherwise, children may be emotionally caught in the middle of their parents’ differences. A true professional will advocate for their client and at the same time steer their client into a non-litigious approach for the best interest of the children.

How can the court deal with such matters when parents are not able to agree? For example, not only is the topic of which religion to raise the children be of concern. When the religious belief of a parenting is harming the children by not permitting vaccinations, the court takes a hands-on approach in the child’s best interest. Referring to mediation, parenting coordination, co-parenting and or family therapy is ideal for the best interest of the children. Working together in our community, prioritizing that children come first is key in raising healthy, peaceful, loving children. How fabulous would this be?