As a Magistrate in the Family Division, I am often asked what are the most difficult cases I hear. While relocations come to mind, parental alienation cases are, for me, the most difficult. Although I find that attorneys generally employ the term “parental alienation” far too casually and far too frequently, I do believe that it does exist and, when it does, it is truly alarming and harmful.

I describe parental alienation as a pattern of behavior by one parent to disrupt, or even terminate, the relationship between the child and the other parent. At its worst, the alienating parent is seeking to seemingly eradicate the other parent from the child’s life. The alienating parent uses whatever power and/or control she or he has over the child to make the child love the other parent less, to believe that the other parents does not love her or him, to fear the other parent, or even to hate the other parent. A child who is subject to such behavior is a victim of abuse, albeit not physical, and will suffer long term consequences.

This article will not address the mental health of the parents who engage in alienation or the effects of parental alienation on the mental health of a child. Instead, I seek to address some challenges we, as judicial officers, have when faced with allegations of parental alienation and what lawyers and mental health professionals can do to effectively present the issue to us so as to aid us in our decision-making process. For illustration purposes, I include anecdotes from cases I have had which required me to rely on many sources to make my decision.

In one case, the father of a seven year old girl simply wanted to share time with her on alternating weekends. At our first hearing, over the Mother’s objection, I created a temporary timesharing schedule. Shortly thereafter, the Mother filed a motion for immediate suspension of all of the Father’s timesharing. At the hearing on that motion, she claimed the Father had hit the child on the back of the leg with a metal pipe. I suspended timesharing temporarily, appointed a Guardian Ad Litem, and entered a Referral to Family Court Services for a variety of services, including individual therapy for the child. The Guardian, in her very first Report, relayed her concerns that the child had not been harmed. In the course of her extended and extensive individual therapy, the child finally admitted to her therapist that she had lied about the metal pipe and that she was pretending to hate her dad because her mother and grandmother hated him. The Father received substantial timesharing.

In a different case, after years of hearings and gradually reducing the Father’s timesharing, the court-appointed psychologist reported that the “Father’s constant and pervasive campaign of denigration against the Mother is psychologically damaging to the child” and expressed concern about the Father’s “complete lack of disposition to facilitate the relationship” with the Mother. The bulk of evidence in this case came from the parties’ ourfamilywizard communications. The Father’s timesharing was ultimately suspended entirely.

And yet in another case, after years of the Mother’s unfounded allegations of emotional abuse on the child at the hands of the Father, the child was allowed to relocate to Arizona with the Father, rather than allow him to continue to live in Miami with his alienating mother.

In all of these cases, I am focused on what drives a child’s behavior towards a parent and what proof there is of parental alienation. I enjoyed the benefit of knowledgeable and passionate attorneys, Guardians Ad Litem, psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists, Family Court Services, Therapeutic Alliance, and Bridging Families… all of whom presented the matters to me very effectively. How can you do the same?

First of all, I would caution lawyers from using the term parental alienation just to win some extra points with your client. Remember, your credibility is all you have and parental alienation is much too serious an issue to minimize.

Second, if true parental alienation is occurring, it can be documented. Gather your evidence. Build your case. Subject to the rules of evidence, you can present texts, emails, ourfamilywizard communications, video, or voice recordings.

Third, if true parental alienation is occurring, we need to address mental health concerns, of the alienating parent, the alienated parent, and above all, the child. Request therapy. Request psychological evaluations. Present the reports or testimony of the mental health professionals as evidence.

Also, seek a social investigation or the appointment of a Guardian Ad Litem. A Guardian Ad Litem will speak to the child, the child’s teachers, the child’s medical professionals, the child’s relatives, and any other witness you suggest. A thorough and detailed Report of Guardian Ad Litem is an essential piece of evidence that gets us out of the world of “he said, she said.”

Finally, we in Miami-Dade County have a resource most other counties do not: Family Court Services. What an invaluable tool. Request their involvement. Through Family Court Services, we can make referrals for alienation therapy, reunification therapy, individual therapy, family therapy, psychological evaluations, and a parenting coordinator, just to name a few.

Remember, you do not just want to win your case. You want to help the child by correcting parental alienation. We can all work together to get an alienating parent’s behavior to change, or, in the alternative, to remove the child from the alienation. Either way, the ultimate goal must be to create a childhood in which a child can flourish and thrive in love.