Judges Corner

Parenting Coordination: Questions from the Bench

Judge Samantha Ruiz Cohen | [email protected]
Helenann Shapiro | [email protected]

One of the responsibilities of a parenting coordinator is to facilitate the resolution of disputes regarding the creation or implementation of a parenting plan. What areas of a parenting plan have you seen most often parties struggle in resolving disputes? In my experience, such struggles are frequently encountered when, a) young children are involved, or b) during the marriage when one parent is responsible for the lion’s share of daily management and child rearing tasks. These scenarios are known to create fear and emotional upset due to the changes in the family dynamic. Not surprisingly it may be difficult to accept a new arrangement where for the first time a parent does not see the children for several days at a time. Equally challenging is the emotional stress experienced by the parent who was previously responsible for the day-to-day parenting and, a) finds him or herself no longer in control, and b) to make matters worse is unaware of where the children are or what they are doing. In addition, school nighttime sharing can be emotionally challenging. One parent may not want the children dividing their time between two homes on school nights. The other parent wants to be involved in the substantive aspects of child rearing and to be able to be with the child 50% of the time on school nights. A parenting coordinator must find a way to work with these conflicting sparring points of view and find a path that will ease rather than increase family tensions.

What do you recommend the Court consider ordering from the onset of a case that will encourage an effective parenting coordination process? The court’s order directing parenting coordination is intended to create a framework for the parents to work with the Parenting Coordinator and reach a mutually agreeable resolution rather than leaving it to judicial determination. Further, allowing the Parenting Coordinator to speak with the other neutrals on the case facilitates procurement of an accurate picture of the family dynamics and key issues in the case. However, there is a significant caveat — do not allow the Parenting Coordinator to testify. The parents need to be secure in the knowledge they can make mistakes without an adverse consequence. The parents are participating in parenting coordination to learn how to successfully handle this new arrangement. Emotions often run high. If the parents are concerned that what they say in parenting coordination sessions can be used against them as part of the legal proceeding, it can lead to negative results. Examples: a) one or both attend the session but do not participate in a meaningful way, or b) adopt an adversarial position or posture for the litigation as opposed to the far more productive mindset of being honest about wants, needs, concerns and trying to find solutions.

What factors do you recommend should be taken into consideration when determining the length of time that parenting coordination is ordered initially? A good rule of thumb is the longer lasting and/or the more complicated the conflict, the longer the Parenting Coordination process will take. For example, when parents have had a high level of conflict for several months, limiting the parenting coordination process to an inadequate number of appointments is a recipe for failure. The objective is to set the parents up for success by committing to an appropriate time frame to engage in parenting coordination. The length of time to be spent in parenting coordination should correspond to the seriousness and complexity of the issues presented for resolution.

4. What safety measures do you recommend be included in a parenting plan when the police have been involved during time sharing exchanges but there is no history of domestic violence? If there are safety concerns from one or both parties during exchanges, a neutral exchange location can be utilized to drop off and pick up the children. Another option is for the parent delivering the child to remain in their car and not escort the child to the front door of the other parent’s residence. If the child is too young for the latter approach, consideration can be given to enlisting a third party to facilitate the drop off/pick up of the child to the other parent’s front door. In addition, the parents must agree to no co-parenting discussions during time sharing exchanges. The above options may help to minimize the chance of a verbal or physical altercation in the presence of the child(ren).

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