Written by: Stacey Jones, PH.D., P.A.  drsjones@gablespsychology.com

With summer coming to a close, it’s time to start thinking about the beginning of the 2022-2023 school year.  For many families, back to school season is a stressful time of year, and it can be especially challenging for children of divorced or separated parents.  For those who are recently separated, this is the time to set up a precedent for harmonious co-parenting when it comes to your child’s education and overall school experience.  For those who have been divorced for some time, it is an opportunity to make changes and let “bygones be bygones” for the sake of your child, and to help facilitate a smooth transition to the next school year and years to come.

Communication

Maintain good communication with your co-parent regarding homework, activities, projects, and scheduling.  Many teachers set up class emails, apps or web sites through the school for parents to stay updated with grades, assignments, and activities. Agree to keep the other parent “in the loop.”

Co-parenting apps are a good tool for parents to provide continuity of care when it comes to your child. These platforms may be used not only for calendaring, but for expenses, events, doctor’s appointments, and more.  Do NOT make your child a messenger. Using your child as a messenger is not only inappropriate, but it puts additional responsibility on them and causes unnecessary anxiety. Being the child of divorced parents and living in two separate homes is difficult enough.

Discuss extracurriculars with each other before discussing with your child. Make sure that the activities are appropriate for your child and that the activities fit in realistically with everyone’s schedule.

Make sure that both parents are on all the school forms including emergency contact information. Frequently parents will leave the other parent off these forms. The one who loses out is the child, who will benefit from having both parents informed in case of an emergency. 

Sharing is Caring

When possible, let your child bring their personal belongings back and forth between homes if they wish.  Remember that what you purchase for your child belongs to them. It is stressful for a child to have to leave certain clothes, school supplies, or special toys at one home, thus making it more difficult to transition back and forth.

Children should have each parent involved in homework and school projects.  Helping with homework is a bonding experience between a parent and child. It is beneficial for the child to have enrichment from each parent.

Share the cost of school supplies and clothing/uniforms.  Discuss this in advance and do not involve your child in any finances.  It doesn’t matter to the child who pays for school supplies and other incidentals. It is more important, however, that the child has what he/she needs and is left out of details.  Often times child support is not clear about money covering school supplies. Make it easy and simply split the cost of the school supplies.

Join Forces

Drop your child off together on the first day of school. The first day can be stressful for a child. Not only will it bring your child peace but doing so you are also demonstrating that they are a priority and worth putting differences aside for. This also goes for school events and parent/teacher conferences.

If you are unable to attend a parent/teacher conference, try and arrange a call in.  If your co-parent cannot attend a school event, take a picture and send it to them.

Seek Professional Help

If parents disagree on issues pertaining to the child, a neutral expert such as a Parenting Coordinator or co-parenting expert may help sort out disputes such as choosing a school, extracurriculars, timeshare issues, and more.

It is not always easy to come together with an ex, particularly when there is conflict; however, it is crucial for the wellbeing of your child that both parents find a way to put their feelings aside for the sake of the child. When parents put their child first and co-parent harmoniously, everyone wins!