Parental Alienation is a concept that often generates controversy and even some strong emotional reactions in the professional and lay community alike.  It is also a concept about which there is a significant amount of disinformation.

Parental Alienation is NOT a disorder found in the DSM 5 categorization of psychiatric disorders. That does not mean it does not exist as an identifiable psychological entity.  The DSM 5, the DSM is not an encyclopedia of every psychiatric disorder.  As we can see by the number of editions containing substantive diagnostic changes over the years, it is a diagnostic guide for psychiatric disorders recognized by the American Psychiatric Association. The DSM series has done a great job identifying individual psychopathological conditions. The DSM series may be less successful in identifying and specifying criteria for relational pathologies.

Parental Alienations exists as an identifiable entity and has many defined characteristics, “diagnostic” criteria, and short/long-term consequences for children.

It is NOT just defined by contact refusal.  It is a complex phenomenon with multiple characteristics and criteria that typically occur along a continuum of parental behavior and may result in a mental condition in which a child – usually one whose parents are engaged in a high conflict divorce – allies himself or herself with an alienating parent and rejects a relationship with the target parent without legitimate justification (Lorandos, Bernet Sauber, 2013). The child develops a false belief that the rejected parent is evil, dangerous, not worthy, etc. The relational manifestation this condition results in an aberration in the relationship between the child and the rejected parent (absence of communication, camaraderie between child and parent even though they previously had a loving, nurturing relationship). Rejection of the target parent is without legitimate justification and far beyond anything the rejected parent has done to justify estrangement of such significant proportion.

Kelly and Johnston (2001) define an alienated child as one who expresses, freely and persistently, unreasonable negative feelings and beliefs (such as anger, hatred, rejection, and/or fear) toward a parent that are significantly disproportionate to the child’s actual experience with that parent.  Kelly and Johnston believe it is important to differentiate between estrangement and alienation.

Estrangement is caused by parental behaviors that cause a child to reject a parent because of specific behaviors (abuse, poor parenting, neglect, etc.)  Poor parenting, in the context of divorce, can lead to a child’s rejection of a parent.  Children are emotionally vulnerable during a divorce and may align with one parent in an effort to seek a sense of emotional safety and stability.  This alignment with one parent may lead to rejection of the other parent. This is different from alienation, which involves a set of attitudes and behaviors through which one parent seeks to change the nature and quality of a child’s relationship with the other parent.

Often alienation and estrangement can coexist to varying degrees, making it difficult to determine what is due to alienation and what is the result of estrangement. Lorandos, Bernet and Sauber (2013) identified two major criteria and six additional criteria of which at least two must be present in order to conclude that parental alienation is present. Required behaviors are:

• A campaign of denigration against a target parent by alienating parent and child.
• A frivolous, unrealistic rationalization for the child’s criticism of the target parent.

Additional criteria seen in alienation are:

• Lack of ambivalence: black and white thinking, the alienated parent is all bad, the other parent may be overidealized.
• Independent thinking phenomena: the alienated child asserts the complaints are the result of his independent assessment and denies the involvement of the alienating parent.
• Reflexive support of the alienating parent: the child may quickly, without much thought, and impulsively defend the alienating parent.
• Absence of guilt over exploitation and mistreatment of the target parent: the alienated child typically shows no compassion or remorse for the hurtful effect on the rejected parent.
• Borrowed scenarios: the alienated child will borrow scripts, scenarios, situations put forth by the alienating parent and promotes them as his own complaints.
• Spread of the child’s animosity toward the target parents’ extended family: the toxicity between the alienated child and a parent is also directed at that parent’s extended family.

Amy Baker’s research (2008) identified four main factors characteristic of a parental alienation

• 1) A prior positive relationship between the child and the now rejected parent.
• 2) The absence of maltreatment by the rejected parent.
• 3) Use of alienating behaviors (17 are specified).
• 4) The presence of behavioral manifestations of alienation as defined above by Lorandos et al (2013) and Gardner (1998).

The seventeen parental alienating behaviors identified by Baker (2008)

• Badmouthing, e.g., disparaging, derogatory comments with flaws and faults highlighted.
• Limiting contact, e.g., eroding timesharing, minor infringements to excessive gatekeeping.
• Interfering with communication, e.g., interfering with & limiting calls, throwing out letters, cards.
• Interfering with symbolic communication, e.g., looking at pictures, talking about absent parent are vital aspects of symbolic communication.
• Withdrawal of love, e.g., fear of love being withdrawn for showing positive feelings toward the rejected parent.
• Telling a child that parent does not love him or her: very destructive, especially when the other parent absent or passive.
• Forcing a child to choose, e.g., forcing the child to ask the other parent not to be present at activity or that child won’t be present at next timesharing.
• Confiding in the child, e.g., discussing marital problems, children become caretakers.
• Forcing the child to reject the targeted parent, g., forcing the child to be with one parent when the other parent is present, as at a soccer game.
• Asking a child to spy on the targeted parent, e.g., reporting on the other parent’s bad habits, social interactions, spending,
• Asking the child to keep secrets from the targeted parent. This creates guilt and resentment.
• Changing the child’s name to remove association with the targeted parent.
• Cultivating dependency, e.g., alienating parent is perfect, above reproach, cultish attitude towards the favored parent.
• Referring to the targeted parent by first name
• Referring to a stepparent as Mom or Dad and encouraging child to do the same.
• Withholding medical, academic, and other important information from the targeted parent, keeping the targeted parent’s name off medical, academic, or other relevant documents.

These behaviors are often overt but not always so.  It can be very difficult to uncover some of the more subtle ways that a parent may alienate their child from another parent.  Often, when they are uncovered, they are adamantly denied by the alienating parent and/or the child. Careful investigation is warranted, including direct observation and the use of extensive collateral sources of information.

Parental alienation is typically classified as mild, moderate, or severe.  These classifications are not empirically based at this time. They are also not mutually exclusive. They are helpful in determining the severity of the problem and recommending treatment. Ther three main classifications and their general criteria are:

• Mild: child resists contact but enjoys the interaction once contact is underway. Usually, a stern admonition and clear instructions from judge, parenting education, and a parenting coordinator may help address this level of alienation.
• Moderate: child strongly resists contact and is persistently oppositional during parenting time with target parent. Typically, a parenting coordinator works with parents in reducing conflict and improving communication, in conjunction with individual therapy for alienating parent to help identify and change alienating behaviors, and for target parent to help address and manage responses to alienating behaviors.
• Severe alienation: persistent and adamant refusal of contact, may hide, run away. The alienating parent is usually obsessive in undermining the relationship with the other parent, has little or no insight, and is convinced of the righteousness of his/her behavior. It is usually necessary to protect the child from that parent by removing the child from his/her custody, greatly reducing timesharing and/or having supervised timesharing.  A program specifically designed to treat alienation may be necessary.  These programs often require Court orders with specific findings in order to treat the case.

Parental alienation has potentially profound consequences for a child.  In the short run it inculcates in the child a manner of reasoning that is not reality based and can become quasi delusional.  It also results in a toxic relationship with the rejected parent and the removal of that parent from the child’s life, with all the negatives that have been recognized for the absence of a parent in a child’s life. Children lose a sense of security when they lose a parent, with ripple effects across social relationships such as the rejected parent’s family and friends. Attachment disruptions with a parent cause problem with emotion regulation, self- concept, and self-esteem problems.  Longer term impacts may include adult depression and a negative impact on relationships as adults with the corresponding negative effects of those conditions.

Treatment of alienation and reunification between the child and rejected parent are typically difficult propositions. Milder forms of alienation may respond to intensive combinations of individual and family reunification therapy. More resistant and ingrained alienations may require the involvement of a Guardian Ad Litem and or a Parenting Coordination along with consistent and vigorous County case management.  There are multiple types of programs designed for severe alienation, all of them lasting at least several days, differing in the requirements for parental participation, requiring varying degrees of restriction of contact between the alienating parent and the child and recommending different degrees of post program follow up.  Only a couple of programs have produced evidence of outcomes. Choosing a program is made more difficult by a significant amount of misinformation and misconception spewed out in social media by angry parents and others.  In addition to specific Court orders, the selection of a parental alienation program should follow the advice of an expert in the field and a close examination of the criteria and elements of a program.