Helenann Shapiro | [email protected]

First, the million-dollar question: when to use a PC? The short answer is anytime during the divorce process from the time of separation through and including  after a judgment has been entered.  My experience is the sooner the better. Why?
The answer is fairly simple.  When you hire an attorney at the outset, counsel can identify key issues, educate the clients regarding their legal rights as well as what they can reasonably expect and guide them through the legal process. Please note: there are certain cases where parenting coordination would not be appropriate or starting the process should be delayed due to numerous factors. It is important to seek guidance from your attorney based on your specific issues if/when you should use such services.

It is fair to say that there are various facets typically involved in parent coordination.  They include: 1) the emotional/psychological/practical aspect of divorcing as it relates to the parents and children’s well-being; and 2) the daunting task of transitioning from one household to two.   Why not provide the necessary guidance right from the get-go for the parents?  Upon divorce, parents are not given a handbook on how to raise their children with their soon to be ex-spouse.  During the divorce process, they are traveling in unfamiliar territory concerning how to raise their children in separate homes. Mistakes are often made and resentments can grow. Using parent coordination from the beginning is a sound way to set the parents up for success (which in turn benefits the children) as they transition into a co-parenting family.

What is parenting coordination? As defined by Florida Statute 61.125, parenting coordination is a child-focused alternative dispute resolution process where a parenting coordinator assists the parties in creating or implementing their parenting plan by facilitating the resolution of disputes, providing education and making recommendations to the parties and, with the prior consent of the parties and approval of the court, making limited decisions within the scope of the order of referral. 

The parties must also obtain a supplemental Florida Supreme Court approved form of parenting coordination order to begin these services.  The referral process is also defined by Florida Statute 61.125: “In any action in which a judgment or order has been sought or entered adopting, establishing, or modifying a parenting plan, except for a domestic violence proceeding under chapter 741, and upon agreement of the parties, the court’s own motion, or the motion of a party, the court may appoint a parenting coordinator and refer the parties to parenting coordination to assist in the resolution of disputes concerning their parenting plan.”

Once the order of referral is obtained the process can start.  The PC will likely conduct an individual intake with each parent to get a sense of the challenges they are facing and an overview of the history of their relationship and future goals.  Upon completion of the intakes, joint sessions commence.

In layman’s terms, the focus of parenting coordination is the reduction of conflict and to help the parents achieve the best co-parenting relationship possible.  The goal of the PC is to “work him or herself out of a job” by providing the tools, protocols and structure so the parents gain the skills, competence, and confidence to communicate, collaborate and share child related information with one another despite any differences they may have.

Obviously, parenting coordination is a parent driven process. The PC and parents work as a team to solve one issue at a time. The PC will be more focused on how parents solve problems compared with the problem itself. Why? The parents had conflicts before they began parent coordination and are likely to continue to have problems during and after parent coordination is completed. A primary goal of parenting coordination is to change the way the parents handle problems so they do not continue to have the same issues and/or make the same mistakes.

A PC needs the parents to commit to learning the skills that will be used to manage their co-parenting relationship. The parenting coordination process teaches the parents to stop finger pointing and, instead, “look in the mirror,” take responsibility and be held accountable for their part in perpetuating any problem.  This furnishes a completely different environment and perspective compared with litigation which is, by definition, adversarial and seeks to establish a winner.  I remind parents there are no winners in family court and that all of those involved (judges, attorneys, guardians, and evaluators) will not be there to support them once the legal proceeding is completed. In summary, they need to figure out how to effectively co-parent for the benefit of their children.

I have nicknamed the beginning of the divorce process the “Wild West” stage. The lawsuit is newly filed and there are no agreements in place. Even in this sometimes hostile environment there are multiple specific ways PCs can help the parents.  Creating structure is one. A PC will work with the parents to create structure on a short-term basis while working with them to discuss options for their permanent parenting plan. Detailed parenting plans can include timesharing for weekday/weekends/holidays and how extra-curricular social media, sleepovers, hurricane policies, etc. will be handled. The parents can make this plan as detailed as they want. A well-crafted plan helps alleviate future misunderstandings and reduce post judgment issues. In addition to being cost effective, it allows the parents to better control their lives and keep the lines of communication open so they can address issues as they arise. From a practical perspective, in my experience family court judges prefer when parents can reach agreement on these issues.

Parent coordination allows parents to catch their breath, get their arms around what is happening and adjust to their new reality. It is therefore important to educate the parents about the legal obligations of shared parenting. Parents may have different expectations of what each is supposed to do. Getting parents on the same page as to what the law requires is helpful in reducing conflict. Most parents are grateful for the information, education and guidance.  While family and friends may be well intentioned, they can give inaccurate information to their loved ones. There are also occasions where the parents are “winging it” and unintentionally offend one another.

Lawyers ensure that the law and procedures are followed to obtain the divorce. However, what is often overlooked is that beyond obtaining the legally enforceable divorce the parents are also divorcing emotionally. The emotional divorce is very real and needs to be factored into the handling of the family involved.  Sadly, some parents cannot accept this changed relationship. These are the folks who remain bitter, depressed and continue to cause conflict. As a consequence, they suffer, and their children do as well. The PC can assist the parents with their emotional divorce.

Even after a failed mediation (particularly where that is linked to one or both of the parents not being emotionally ready), attorneys send parents to a PC so that the conflict can be handled in a non-adversarial forum.

During the parenting coordination process, armed with a court order or written permission from the parents, a PC may speak with other professionals involved in the case. This may include the parents, therapists, family and/or children’s therapists, Guardian ad Litem and psychological evaluators. From a PC’s perspective, this affords an interdisciplinary approach to strengthen the co-parenting and give each family member the tools needed to transition to the newly defined relationship. Providing input to the guardian or evaluator also provides vital feedback on how the parents are doing in “real time.” This information is invaluable to guardians and evaluators who are tasked with investigating and reporting to the court.

It is important to know how PCs can assist a co-parenting family; it is equally vital to understand what a PC cannot do. A PC is there to guide, educate, offer problem solving options, help facilitate agreements and assist the parents in finding solutions regarding co-parenting and time-sharing issues.  A judge may need additional information to make the best decision for a family. In those cases, a Guardian ad Litem may be appointed to investigate and provide their opinion to the court of the best course of action. Also, psychological evaluators may be appointed to conduct testing and provide written findings for a judge to review to aid in making decisions.  A PC cannot wear both hats; he or she cannot act as a treating therapist and if that fails to evaluate and make substantive recommendations to the court.

Parenting coordination can be an enormously important and highly effective service for parents. However, it is not a panacea. Each case enjoys its own measure of success. I have tremendous respect for parents who engage in the process. It is not easy. Each parent needs to have the maturity to work with the soon to be ex-spouse to figure out how best to get along within the framework of the family’s new reality. PCs are not magicians. We can show our clients new doors, windows and approaches to build a conflict free environment.  However, at the end of the day, it is up to the parents to make use of these positive approaches.